reading this breaks my heart, as out son jason was  / Helen Long (none)
hi . i just happened upon your daughter's site as i was fooling with computer. our son jason was killed in japan sept 09/ 2005 by a speeding 19 year old was going 137 km in a 40km zonejason was 39 and had just gone back to japan had been home to get married aug 8th/09 and he and wife went back aug. 23rd. he was on his way for overnight camping trip by himself on a regular old bike and has been so devestating for all of us i probably cried every time i thought of him which was all the time march 09 would have been his 44th birthday. if you would like u can go on his web-site. jasom.long memory . o.k. hope you are doing better. will never get over it.sincerely--- helen long neepawa manitoba canada r0j1h0. Close

birthday / Gemma
Happy Birthday Mum Lots of Love always Gemma xxxxx Close

happy birthday gemma xxxx  / Natalie (sister)

hi gemma

 

 

i can't believe tomororw you will be 26 and  the last birthday you celebrated with us was 20 it's so sad gemma 6 years gone past already how do we  go on sis i don't know all i know is the day you were taken was the saddest day of my life and i miss you terribly i always will do gemma not a day goes past i don't think of you my Daniel is 3 now and he has never even met his speical auntie not fair gem he is getting to the age where he asks questions i asked him today where is auntie gemma he said at nannys on the wall so sad this is all he understands you in a pic he should  be able to see you and play and kiss and cuddle you one thing he can never do is see you  really unfair sis your so missed by all of us specially your family i know your looking after daniel for me and keeping himsafe

just wish you was here gemma and we could go out like we use to and have fun i really do miss our nights out together am sure you would have been out this weekend with friends or family for your birthday

we had a birthday meal for you and mum today and i was sad you was not here sad sad sad

we are off to your tree tomorrow as we always do on your birthday mum n dad are redecorating it for you to make it pretty for you

just want to say happy 26th birthday my dear sis where ever you are  hope you have a lovely day

i miss you and love you always

 

 

your sister natalie and your little nephew daniel xxxxxx

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6 Birthdays without you!  / Mum (mum)

My Darling Gemma

Can't believe we will be celebrating the 6th birthday without you.. as always we will all be at the tree in Chingford Dad and I are planting some pretty shrubs that will hopefully display  pretty pink flowers once established.. and repair the little fence the weather really has taken it's toll on the it.. we always leave our cards for you and will be meeting  Beccy as we always do.. she's the only friend that i don't have to ask Gem she has taken the day off work as we all have.. she vertainly is a special friend to you even now 6 years on she never forgets your birthday .. and more importantly wants to join us to celebrate for you..

 I don't expect anyone else will be there i have'nt heard from anyone not even your aunts and uncle no surprise i suppose as you are my child and only a niece to them.. it does hurt though that i don't ge ta call.text/message..  we have never been aclose family so why should things change because you are not here..  just once i would like for them to know how it's like for me living without my child.. then and only then could they ever understand the day to day pain of life without you here.

I know i don't write here so much Gem it's not cos i don't think of you it's just all i can say is the sdame old same old.. always wanting you back and always asking why it had to be you?  and as long as i live i think i will always be asking why??

"happy Birthday" wherever you are Gemma  I love you as much today  and always will  x

sleep tight

Love Mum xx

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merry christmas sis xx  / Natalie (sister)

merry christmas my dear sis whereever u r i hope u have fun and am sure ur with us today so sad sis really missing u lots wish u cd have seen my little daniel this morning he was so excited and lovely to see him so happy off to mum n dads now for family  dinner and will b thinking of u all day sis i love u more than anything

 

lots of love natalie and your little nephew daniel xxxx

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Christmas time xx  / Marie (Sister)
Happy Christmas my dear sister xxx I cant believe we are going through the sixth one without u i will always treasure the christmas' we had together and can remember when we were little how excited we were and we each took turns in opening presents and showing them to dad who was recording us xx the girls are getting older but still love christmas time and were up at 6am today!! will spend the rest of the day with mum and dad and the rest of our little family but will always miss u being there miss ur smile ur laughter and seeing you xxx forever missing you and loving you always your sister Marie xxxx Close

merry christmas gemma xxx  / Natalie (sister)

Hi Gemma

 

 

Well it's the 6th christmas without u sis where has the time gone i ask myself it's gone far to quick i still can't believe you have gone 6 christmas's without you  you loved  christmas time  lots of partying  nice food and presents and all being together i really do miss you sis so much  everyday but specially at christmas and family times my little daniel is nearly 3 now gemma so this year he understands a lot more and is so excited about santa coming he makes christmas more excting for me now seeing his little face in the morning he has so many presents  he has been very spoilt but  thats what christmas is all about  spoiling your children and giving them alll the love n the worldjust wish you could have met him he is so cute he would love you and you would love him am sure you have seen him sis i know you look out for him for me . i will be thinking of you tomorrow gemma as you sohuld be here and i am sure you will be with us all tomorrow. it's my first christmas in my lovely little house so am looking forward to waking up with daniel in the morning. you will be on my mind to sorry i could not get to your tree before xmas we have had so much snow but your garden looks pretty with what marie has made for you just wish i could have you back gemma in our lives to make our family complete.

merry christms my dear gemma

 

 

love you always natalie and your little nephew Daniel xxxx

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6th christmas without you  / Mum

My Dear Gem.

Well it's christmas time again this the 6th one without you.. i remember so clearly that 1st christmas it was only 3 weeks since you were here and it was sooo hard  being with just  your sisters brother and nieces. we had always had christmas together.. now this is the 6th one without you and the feelings are just the same I sem to be like this the whole of them month infact it starts November... the run up to that day 1st December 2004 when the biggest shock i could ever have imagined you losing your life forever.. i still picture you in the Hospital not long after you passed looking so peaceful yet vacant.. it's so hard to explain the feelings inside of me.. only other mothers living their lives as I am can ever know.. I have been through childbirth 4 times as painful as this was the pain when told you were gone forever is something i never want to experience again.. it's true i still feel  pain and so much  sadness and my heart is forever broken but i suppose the initial pain is something i cannot describe..and  i don't think i could  live with that forever i don't think any body could! as much as i have to live this life Gem without you here I still feel this terrible cloud hanging over me it's like this every year.. and i have to accept it always will.. i try so hard to get into the spirit of christmas yet without you nothing seems so important now.. even this morning i feel so sad that i have not visited your tree  i always do every year to leave something pretty for you.. we have had so much snow this past week i have'nt been able to get to London and as much as i know you would'nt want me to drive in these conditions does'nt stop me feeling i have let you down...Marie has made a lovely basket for your garden here where we live now.. but i always come to the tree.. so i asked Auntie Yvonne if she could do me a huge favour and clear all the dead roses from your amnniversary and leave a little something for you for christmas.. of course she did'nt mind and she sent me a picture of the beautiful pink Azalea in a pot that will last all over the holidays.. I am so grateful i had someone to ask.. although i hate not being able to go myself but i have to accept that sometimes in life we have to ask for help from others...

tomorrow morning christmas day  Gem my thoughts will be of you as they are every single day.. wishing you were here wishing things were different always wishing... we will open our gifts not that material things mean anything to me now.. we have to make the effort for your sisters brother nieces and nephew.. little Daniel is so excited Gem he's nearing 3 now and you would love him! i just feel so sad that your never going to see him grow up and be part of his life although Natalie and myself always talk to him about you we have'nt had the "where is Gemma" yet but we will tell him as best we can when the time comes.. Marie's girls have changed so much Gem Jessie is nearing a teenager and Emma is 10 yet the last time you saw them they were 5 & 7 they are pretty young gilrs now into hair and makeup I know they would have been asking you about hair and makeup Gem you being a Beauty Therapist.. so much we miss of you Gem and always will..

tomorrow we will raise a glass to you sweetheart as your never far from our thoughts just wish you were here with us..

love you always and forever Gemma & "Happy Christmas" wherever you are x

Mum

   x

 

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I'm thinking of you today...  / Sarah Cleminson (Cousin)
Dearest gemma it's hard to believe that today it is 5 whole Years since you passed away. Everyone will be at ur tree now and I am at home with my own daughter. So much has changed-and I wonder if you too would have children by now? Where would you be living what would you be doing right at this very moment? What would u look like? I imagine you saying hello to my little girl Lucinda. It makes me remember a conversation we had as children ourselves- we were talking about what we'd like to be doing when we grew up. And we both thought it'd be realy cool if our kids were as close as we were back then. We tookit for granted back then that we'd both see eachother into adulthood- and get to be old grannies together! Lol Why your life had to stop at just 20 I do not know-it seems so cruel that you would be taken away when u are just on the brink of your life- right at the beginning with so much life to live and adventures to have. I don't think I'll ever accept it. It's just too unfair. I wish I had the answers- but more than that I wish I could turn back time and stop you from getting in that car in 2004. I wish I could have known- and pulled you away. I wish your mum and dad comfort on this day and Natalie marie and Scott jess&emma. You will always be in my thoughts no matter how much times passes. You are my cousin and always will be a part of my life. Tell grandad I miss him too Gem. I miss you both. All of my love Sarah & a big smile from Lucinda xxx Close

1st December 2009  / Mum

Dearest Gemma

Can't believe i am writing 2009.. never did i think i would ever be celebrating 1st December with such sadness each and every year.. it brings such terrible memories yet also some wonderful ones  when you were a little girl.. i have to cherish these so much as i will never have any more.. you always were such a quiet spoken little girl with your pretty smile and your beautiful curly hair that everyone commented on.. and that giggle you had which carried on into your adult life.. i wish so much i could hear this again then i would not be writing on a memorial like i always have to.. we have the tree cos we always put it up on the 1st now it's a stark reminder of the day you left forever.. how can we celebrate christmas when you are never going to be with us again? christmas is a family time and no matter what happened in our lives throughout the year you were always with us on christmas day.. my mind always wanders to these happy times in my life.. but at the time we never really think about it .. but now i have to savor every special time with my children and grandchildren.. cos you all are my life.. how i cope without you here Gem sometimes i do not know.. days like today we will visit the tree in Chingford the one Alan requested yet i'm not sure he or anyone else visit's now.. it's so far from wherne we live at times i wish i had never had it there... but your ashes went in the soil the day it was planted therefore a part of you id there and i will always visit no matter how much time passes.. i still go most weeks when i am at work in London maybe for only a few minutes but i have to visit i woulod feel i have let you down if i don't.. i know lives have moved on and there are only a small number of your friends that keep in touch.. i have to accept this 5 years on.. but it does'nt stop it hurting.. you should be here with us and them enjoying whatever life throws at you.. yet through someone else's hands your life was taken from you and us.. life will never be the same Gem how can it but it's hard to explain to those that are not living without their child..

your never out of my thoughts Gem and never will be I love you with all my heart and always wil;l

sleep tight sweetheart

             mum

                xxxxx

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5 years  / Marie (Sister)
Gem its so hard to think that i havent actually seen u for 5 whole years... the time has gone quickly but it seems so long since we have heard ur voice spoke to u or see u this is only going to get longer.. and its so hard to get your head round that fact. We will lay flowers at ur tree and release balloons for u but it will make no difference to how we feel becoz its the day we lost someone so very special and a day that will be edged in our minds forever. you really are a very special person who is loved by so many none more so than ur family. the girls have really grown up in the last 5 years but they still remember there special auntie and will be there today like they always are. I love you my dear sister and always will u have a special place in my heart. just wish u was here with us. all my love forever Marie xxxx Close

5 yrs to long  / Natalie (sister)

MY dear gemma

 

 

It has been quite a while since i last wrote on here  does not mean i dont think about you i do i miss you so much gemma i can't believe 5 years tomorrow since u left us forever i keep going bk to that dreadful day when they told us you had gone if only i could turn back time and bring you make and change it so you didn't go out on that day  but its so frustrating knowing i can't do anything to bring you back or ease all our pain we feel for missing u so badly...

we went to centre parcs the weekend it was nice to get away but i really did miss u loads sis and could not stop thinking about you all i know is i will never forget you and will always be thinking of you until that one day we will hopefully be together again

Was talking about you to daniel tonight  telling him we are going to your tree tomorrow he asked where is gemma it is so hard trying to explain to him he is so young and should have met his speical auntie not fair sis he knows you by your picture and says love you auntie gemma he will know and understand fully when he is older gemma and know all about you he has your memory card in his room it makes me feel  good to know you are in his room watching over him he is so precious to me gemma just like you  are and always will be.

All i know is gemma i love u so much and not a day goes by where i don't think of you and at moments i feel really sad that you are not here sharing what life has to offer.

sweet dreams my dear sis i love you awlays and forever

Natalie xxx

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GEMMA, THINKING OF YOU & YOUR LOVED ONES  / ROSE GRMA TO ANGEL BRITTANY SYFERT

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Birthday Wishes  / Gemma (Sister)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER MARIE.. I MAY NOT BE WITH YOU IN PERSON BUT I WILL FOREVER BE IN YOUR HEART..

LOVE

GEMMA

XXX

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missing you everyday  / Beccy Wadsley (Friend)

Gemma

I miss you every single day I cant express in words how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that i will never see you again...I dont think I ever will. So many things have happened that I want to tell you about and so many times I have thought 'I wish Gem was here' 'Gem should be here...'

Nearly 5 yrs and I have finally started taking driving lessons again...I stopped when you died as I was too scared :0( I plan my life but live it day by day just as you did.

I'll be there with your family as always on Dec 1st to release balloons leave flowers remember you and honour you.

I miss you I wish I could talk to you xoxo

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5yrs still miss u so much.....  / Mum

my Darling Gem

I still find it so hard accepting your gone forever.. it will be 5 yrs in a couple of weeks and already thinking back to November 2004. i can vividly remember the events of the 3 weks before you were taken from us.. 5th you were at the fireworks display in Walthamstow with the idiot that killed you.. we saw you there as we were with Marie Scott Jess and Emma.. the following Friday  you me and Natalie went to the cinema to see Bridget Jones .. you sitting next to me eating sweets and giggling inbetween! the following friday dad's birthday 26th we all went to dinner this was to nbe our last family event ever! then 27th you left the house never to come home alive again! 28th 29th 30th we were by your side in the hospital then that dreadful day 1st December 2004 your last day alive.. i often think back Gem and remember how i felt like eveerything that happened in our life was all abig dream .. your life ending was the biggest shock i have ever experienced in my life!! and to this day i don't think i will ever be the same!! how can i Gem when all i want is you here in my everyday life. to know what you would be doing with your life i mean you would be nearing 26 now would you me married? have a child? would you even live in this country? questions i will never get the answers too..  i often daydream about you Gem how you would look hair short/long light/dark.. everything in life that has been taken away from you by Anthony Burns a guy you hardly knew a guy i wish you had never met!! this year we are going to Centre parcs.. i need to do something fun in memory of you Gem as you were always such a happy girl and love having fun! we are meeting hopefully so many of your friends i know that Beccy and Michelle are coming Alan just has'nt bothered replying.. I am upset that he can't even text or e-mail me... yet have not heard from him nearing a year now.. i know he is in arelationship with someone else so i have to accept he has moved on.. can't help feeling angry Gem... but i must not let it marr the day you are the most important person on that day and it is in memory of you that we celebrate 1st December ... I do hope  this would be something you would want us to do.. every year that passes i will always do something to remember you on this day...

 your immediate family never forgets you Gem so we will always include you in things we do in our lives..

I love you more than ever Gem just wish i could tell you in  person it's been such a long time..

love you with all my heart

Mum xx

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This is life for me now...  / Mum
This was sent to me by another bereaved mother... I can't believe how true these words are.. Just hope those that read it think!! life does not get easier without you Gemma life is so completely changed just as I am.. I will never get usded to living without my child.. never in a million years.. I miss you so much swetheart xx
"I NOTICED…….MY WORLD HAD CHANGED
By: Sharon Krejci Bereaved Mother St. Louis MO

Prior to becoming a bereaved parent I thought I had a glimpse of what parents who have lost a child go through. I was an emergency room nurse. The sad part of my job was to inform parents that their child had died. After delivering this most devastating news I would sit and cry with the parents. When I would go home at night I would think about the parents and pray for them and thank God my two little boys were safe and that my family was intact.
Four years ago on September 13 1997 I became a bereaved parent when the police informed me that my son Andrew had an auto accident and was dead. My life stopped. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to breathe again without my son let alone survive his deat h. In the days that followed I found out one thing was for sure I didn’t have a glimpse about what happens to a person when their child dies.
As I walk this journey of a bere aved parent ….. I notice my whole world changed. My beliefs aren’t the same. My priorities weren’t the same and my future was changed forever. My whole life was shattered and I didn’t know where to begin to pick up the pieces or if I had the will to pick up the pieces. Everyone around me even though very attentive to me continued functioning in their own lives. I didn’t know where I fit in any more. I was alone … trying to figure out what happened in that split second when they told me Andrew was dead.
I noticed many things about my new world that I didn’t like. I knew then if I was to survive my son’s death things must be changed and it was up to me to change them.
I noticed … . The silence of people not mentioning Andrew’s name or his life was deafening to me. There were no stories about him anymore. It was like out of sight out of mind. I wondered what this world was doing to me. My son lived. He was a part of my life. I had dreams for him. He was my future. I was so frightened that everyone would forget him. I needed to hear other people say my Andrew’s name. I needed to say his name and to tel l stories about him. I could not stand the thought of going through the rest of my life not ever hearing or saying his name again. I knew then that part of my survival was going to=2 0involve keeping the memory of my son alive.
I noticed …. People removed Andrew’s picture and other remembrances of him from their homes thinking it was going to upset me seeing them. I needed to know that he was important to other people. Just because he died it didn’t mean that memories of him couldn’t still exist. As part of my healing I gave framed pictures of Andrew to family and friends to display in their home. This let them know I needed to have him around me.
I noticed …. People would shy away from me run down the other aisle of the grocery store rather than chance running into me. I needed more than ever for people to come up to me and give me a big hug rather than shy away. Depending on how I felt that day I would hunt those people down in that ot her aisle and show them that talking with me was not going to be a painful experience for them and that being a bereaved parent was not contagious.
I noticed …. I struggled with something as simple as not being able to sign a birthday or anniversary card from our family because to do that I would have to leave Andrew’s name off the card. I had signed his name for 23 years and there was no way his name c ould be left off the card. I also knew I needed to continue to write his name or people would forget him. I now sign all cards “With Love and Memories of Andrew.” It’s funny I rarely sent Christmas Cards before Andrew died. Now I make sure that I send cards to everyone I know so I can write his name to keep his memory alive. What’s great is that people sent cards back to me with the same message.
I noticed …. People were uncomfortable about what to say to me so they would avoid mentioning Andrew’s life or death for fear they would remind me of him. They would also feel bad if they thought they would make me cry and then “what would they do with me?” It was easier for them not to say anything. What these people didn’t know is that they don’t remind me of Andrew. I think about Andrew every minute of every day. I will never forget his life or his death. Their mentioning Andrew’s name only made me feel better. A fter experiencing a few of these encounters I knew then I had to make people feel that it was okay to talk about Andrew and that if there were tears that was okay too. I always thanked people for bringing Andrew’s name up and remembering him. If tears came first I would explain that they did not make me cry and I really appreciate them talking to me about Andrew.
I noticed …. When I entered the room at my first bereaved parent meeting I was surprised to find other people in that room smiling some laughing and some making small talk. I thought …boy I am really in the wrong place.& nbsp; It was inconceivable to me that I would ever smile or laugh again. I thought that they must love their child as much as I did. Once the meting began I learned that these parents did love their child as much as I loved Andrew and that maybe I too would someday smile and laugh again. Just maybe…there was a glimmer of hope that I might survive and they would lead the way.
I noticed…. At my meeting I learned a lot about my new world from parents who have walked the path before me. They brought to my attention the situations I may encounter and offered suggestions in how they dealt with the issues. They didn’t theorize grief; they lived it everyday and shared their coping skills with the group. They gave me strength and confidence and validated that I was on the right path in keeping the memory of Andre w alive. They were patient with me. I knew I was in a safe place where people understood me. They wanted to help me get better. They knew something I didn’t know at the time….that I was going to survive.
I noticed …. Some people thought that because my son was 23 years old somehow he wasn’t my child anymore. Even though I was his parent they assumed the grief would not be a s intense as if he were a baby or young child. I’ll never forget a 70 year old man coming into the ER dead on arrival after a heart attack. I was told his mom was on=2 0her way to the ER. When his frail 90 year old mom entered the room she screamed out “My baby my baby.” She sobbed. She hugged him. She held and rocked him. She kissed him all the while saying “My baby my baby.” I learned that night it doesn’t matter how old your child is because the parent child relationship is for life. That night her baby died. The night Andrew died was the night my baby died. Our children are our children forever.
I noticed …. I didn’t know what to say when people asked me “how many children do you have?” This caused me great anxiety when it came up in a conversation. I let them know I had two boys. Most of the time that was sufficient. If the conversation required more information. I told them that my oldest son Andrew died in an auto accident and he was a mechanical engineer. My younger son Elliott is alive and well and is a graphic designer. I told them about Andrew not so they could feel sorry for me but because I will always be his mom he will always be my child and I could not deny he had lived.
I noticed ….That people compared my loss to their father dying grandmother dying and yes; I had one person compare my loss to their dog dying. I knew these people didn’t have any intention of hurting me. They were just trying to relate to probably the very worst experience they20had ever had with death. I needed to let them know my father had died my grandmother and grandfather my friend my aunts and uncles and even my dogs died. My Andrew dying was like no other experience I have had with death or hopefully will ever encounter again. My life didn’t stop with all the other deaths…like it did when Andrew died. Even though I grieved the other deaths they didn’t hit the core of my existence…like Andrew’s death. My heart didn’t ache every minute of every day of every year like it did when Andrew died. The difference…I would have given my life to let Andrew live but I wasn’t give the choice.
I noticed ….That the old family traditions at Christmas Andrew’s birthday and other holidays needed to be changed to include something that kept Andrew’s memory alive. We started new traditions. At Christmas I give everyone an ornament that reminds me of Andrew and his life. Friends and family give me Christmas ornaments that reminded them of Andrew to hang on our new “Andrew tree.” We continue to gather on his birthday to celebrate his life. It’s not about the ornament the tree or his birthday. It’s about family and friends taki ng the time to remember Andrew. To say his name. To let me hear his name. To tell me a funny story they remember. It means so much to me and has allowed me to continue20to survive.
I noticed …. That even though it’s been four years Andrew continues to live in the lives of others. What I love most is when my nieces say “Aunt Sharon I felt Andrew today all around me” or “I heard his song and remember when…” Or when my nephew comes into the house with a new friend and asks “Where are the pictures of Andrew? I want to
introduce him to my friend.” When the little guys say “I needed to get to first base last week and I asked Andrew to help me and I made it.” Or when friends and family send me cards or mementos on his angel date or birthday. I will forever need to know that Andrew has not been forgotten. These little mentions of his name let me know I will survive.
I noticed …. After a year or two people were expecting the “old Sharon back.” They wanted me to move on with my life to be happy and to try to forget my son’s death. I guess they read one of those psychology or medical books that give bereaved parents one year to recover. I know now that the writers of those books never consulted a bereaved parent. Society doesn’t understand or seem to want to give us the time i t takes to get better. I let people know that I was working very hard on my recovery. I didn’t want pity. I wasn’t attention seeking or being a martyr when I cried. I wanted more than they did to feel like my old self again. I wanted the intense pain to stop. I hated where I was in my life and feeling this bad.
I let them know….I heard…that as the years pass the pain gets softer and the tears less but I will never fully recover. I will always miss Andrew. I will always grieve his death. He will always be apart of my life and I will never forget him.
My wish for you is that you will find peace and to know that your child is with you and will never be forgotten. "
"
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Hey Gemma XXX  / Jessica Wilkins (niece)

Hi gemma

 

I cant believe its nearly 5 years since ive seen you.We have a disco coming up soon i dunno wat to wear i need your help.I have a bf now i no what you would be saying and wanting to meet him im missing you so much your the best auntie and i couldnt ask for morei dont come on here a lot cause i just cry but when i dont i think off you in my own special way i write notes to you sometimes when feel down cause you would always cheer me up im going to come on here more offen now.we all wish you could come back into our lives in my heart your always there. Thinking off you everyday my lovely auntie miss you love you loads and loads auntie xxxxxxx 

 

LOVES YOU LOADS XXXXXX

 

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Happy Birthday Scott  / Gemma (sister)

TO MY LITTLE BROTHER SCOTT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEVER FOPRGET YOU LOVE

GEMMA XXXX

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happy birthday  / Gemma (sister)

NEVER FORGETTING MY BIG SISTER'S BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATALIE

          LOVE YOUR SIS GEMMA XXX

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